My journey as a single mom part 2

I will skip a lot of detail on the part where he gave the other woman his phone especially in the middle of the night so she could throw abuses and accusations at me from when I was pregnant to when I delivered because it was a long cycle. I did not understand that at all because I had left them alone to proceed with their happy union. It was strange I would be called names and given unnecessary threats yet she was the one with the man now. I didn’t even understand why she felt it was her duty to make sure I don’t end up with my baby daddy. I didn’t blame her at all because after studying baby daddy’s behavior I figured he was the problem. He was trying to manipulate two women just that I wasn’t too blind to believe his lies. I considered it lack of respect from baby daddy to even let her contact me. And she would go on on what he said and that he doesn’t love me and the fact that I should remember she will be the step mother to my daughter so I tread carefully. I still don’t understand where her role came in till today. I am actually laughing as I write this. You are already claiming my unborn child yet her own father doesn’t care she exists 🤣. And why would my daughter need a step mother anyway? I got tired of her crazy attacks and blocked him since it was his phone being used to contact me.

Life became bearable after I blocked him. After afew weeks he found a way to contact me and requested to talk. Being the father of my child I thought to myself that it won’t hurt hearing out what he had to say. Because I told myself if he wants to be involved in the baby’s life I won’t stop him. But I made it clear that me and him are done.

So we met up and talked on co parenting and if I knew what I know now I wouldn’t go for the many meet ups he was requesting for. Because with him it’s more of talk and no action so I figured it affected me emotionally because he kept my expectations of him high then he disappoints with pointless excuses. The concept of co-parenting with a narcissist does not exist. He even had the audacity to convince me he still loves me. Now this is the funniest joke of the century. Unless his way of showing love is by mistreating and trying to emotionally manipulate people. I will not lie my heart loves him but my brain always knew that it’s not a smart move to get back with him or believe anything he said. That worked well for me as I never took anything he said seriously.My rule: Don’t often give ur heart what it wants. Sometimes let the brain make decisions 🤣🤣. It’s like nurturing a baby, you can’t always let your kid have her way lest you have a brat who will control you in future probably murder you 🤣 to get inheritance.

I used to feel sorry for my daughter because her father wouldn’t create time to see her. Then I realized she doesn’t know he exists and doesn’t understand the father mother concept yet. So why the hell was I beating myself up? One thing I can tell other single mothers is, avoid feeling sorry for your child. Nobody deserves to grow up with a selfish, self-absorbed adult. Showing pity for the baby only perpetuates a victim mentality, and prohibits them from moving forward and seeking healthy relationships of their own. Just let your child grow, when they are old enough to understand the father- mother concept and they ask about their father then you can explain to them. But when they are young don’t beat yourself up. Accept and move on. It’s not your duty to create their bond if the other party is not willing. Don’t waste your life. My other advice would be do not criticize your baby daddies in front of your child. Narcissistic behavior is abominable, no doubt, but children are not equipped to deal with the psychological weight, no matter how “mature” you feel they may be. Complicating matters is that many narcissists stay off the radar, and are model citizens to the rest of society.

Fortunately, I had a fantastic group of friends and siblings who helped. Maybe none of them knew exactly what I was going through, but they babysat and showered my girl with love, which I appreciate to this day. I had to ask for assistance from my family and friends because I was losing it. I had started resenting my lovely daughter and it got me worried. I am grateful my family and friends gave maximum support until I recovered fully and was stable.

The father of my child asked to see his daughter at about four months since he saw her as a new born. You can imagine what was going through my head. And funny how he showed up empty handed and had never sent any child support, he was least bothered. I was emotionally drained I didn’t even bring it up.

So yes I’ll say I’ve been through hell and back and through it all I have learnt to appreciate life and its challenges. It’s sad I had to go through it this way but I want to trust God had a better plan for me. Also with an emotionally detached man I think I probably dodged a bullet and I thank God for everything. I am a single mother by choice and I solely support my daughter. All I want for her is a great life and I’ll will do anything within my power to make sure she never lacks. Love can blind us sometimes. We try to look for a little good in someone to convince ourselves why we should be together ignoring the bigger part of evil they could be. We fail to consider that emotional abuse is also a form of abuse in a relationship. It’s sad I had to go through this and every time I think about it, I shed a tear. I wait on the day I will be able to look back and smile at the turn of events.

If you ask me motherhood is not easy. There may be days when I think , I can’t do this.Days when I don’t feel good enough, when I look around and feel inferior to every other parent on the planet. Times, maybe, when I feel like a failure, when my eyes search my baby’s face desperately for approval but none is forthcoming. There are mornings when I want to cry out the tears that are pushing at my eyes, but I fight them back, determined not to show my pain. And then there came the nights when I feared that I’ll never sleep again, as the minutes tick by into hours and yet still my girl screams.

Sometimes you may suspect that perhaps your baby doesn’t even like you, that their preference is for anyone else who comes into their orbit – however brief or tenuous that connection might be. There may be days when you wonder, Will it ever get easier? And then there will be the day when your heart will leap at the sight of that first smile. The day when the sound of your baby’s giggle will dance joyously in your ears. The day when you will be engulfed in a tidal wave of pride at that tentative, wobbly first step. The day when a lump will form in your throat and silence you. You will find yourself unable to reply to that mumbled, “Mama,” the most beautiful word ever said.

Then, there will be the days when you will laugh uproariously at an enthusiastic game of peek-a-boo and want to weep at a determined and angry refusal to eat lunch. The days when the fallout of an epic tantrum will be negated by the feeling of two little arms around your neck. The days when your child will steadfastly and determinedly refuse to cooperate with you around the simplest of tasks, like getting dressed, but will sweetly and politely crawl on to your lap, book in hand. There will be the days when you feel the tension rise when a repeated, “No, no, NO,” is ignored, but an outreached hand looking for guidance will bring your smile back. And there will be the days when you will feel rotten then wonderful, in short, swift succession.

But every day you will feel the love. The pure, infinite, limitless love which beats in you like another organ. The love that is embedded in you, attached to your soul, which can never be removed, no matter what. The love that is now part of your identity, the relentless, all-encompassing love that you have for your child. And on those days when you doubt yourself – because they will surely come – remember this: You were born for this job. They have chosen you and there is nobody else in this world they would rather have by their side for their journey to becoming them. And one day you may even realize: you’re amazing.